So, I was living on the farm out in the middle of nowhere and loving it. I was driving back and forth to my house in East Nashville so I was pretty familiar with the route to the farm from the interstate.
You hang a right at the big Jesus sign, follow the sharp curve around a large puddle at the edge of the road but watch out for the white geese that like to gossip there ’cause they ain’t moving. Whatever they’re talking about must be good, because they’re loud and ignore you when you drive by. Even when you honk and wave. Rude.
Next, you pass a pretty old tobacco barn that looks like an oil painting. It’s on your left and sits in a little dip in the field. Then you pass a small to medium sized pond (depending on how much rain we’ve had) rimmed with turtles laying out in the sun on your right. Sometimes a big red tailed hawk is perched on the second or fourth fence post before the pond (depending on how much rain we’ve had), but that’s a bonus.
When you come to the stop sign at the end of that road take a right and you’re on Hwy 76.
Or, wait – if you see a sign for Port Royal take a left and that takes you to Hwy 76.
If you don’t see a sign, then you were on Port Royal and you’re good. Be on the lookout for the sign for Rock”A”Rosa Farms on your right.
But if you pass the black barn you’ve gone too far. Don’t worry about trying to keep up with how many red barns you pass, because they’re everywhere.
These directions worked great for me, because I always notice turtles, hawks, geese and things like that, but when my friend Lisa came up for a visit I knew my directions wouldn’t cut it.
Thank God she had a GPS, right?
Wrong. Her GPS croaked on her right after the sun went down somewhere between the geese and the black barn.
She was lost.
And I wasn’t any help, because let’s face it, I didn’t know where in the heck she was.
She was trying to tell me the street name and the direction she was headed. I didn’t have a clue. And now it was too dark for her to be on the lookout for a pond full of turtles so I didn’t know how far she’d come.
Then it hit me.
“Did you see the big Jesus sign?” I asked.
Yes, she had.
“Go back there and wait.”
“Go back and wait where? Girl, it’s pitch black out here.”
I laughed, she was right. There are no streetlights and the houses are spread out and far off the roads. I bit my tongue before I reminded her that she was in Bell Witch country.
“Go back to the big Jesus sign and I’ll meet you there.”
Lisa laughed. “Those are words I would’ve never expected to hear you say.”
“Hey – it says he’s the way.”
It worked. I found her and she followed me back to the house. I fed her a home cooked meal in exchange for the care package she brought me which contained a can opener and a soup pot, because that’s the kind of friend she is. Once, she gave me a tazor that looked like a cellphone for my birthday because she worried about me living alone in East Nasty.
I’m not sure how she found her way back to the interstate that night, but she did. I know those geese weren’t any help.